Hymn for a Dream
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Saturday, July 4, 2009
I hate Chinese conservatism.
So this girl, right, is 21. She lives at home, her granddad walks her home every day after work because he worries about her, and being "traditional"-minded Chinese people they think that the immense number of girlfriends I've had since I came here (2) makes me a playboy, and in a word, totally not suitable. And yes, the parents' opinion will matter a great deal.
Not that it matters, I don't really even know if the girl likes me or not. So, fuck it all. I'm going to play by their stupid rules and not even ask her out; that at least gives me a chance of not fucking everything up and still being friends with her, since it's the fun we have together that's what I really like.
It might be for the best, but I'm not happy about it.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Things are so much easier when you don't have a crush on anyone.
A couple of nights ago, at half past eleven in the evening, I got a phone call from a girl I met at a net bar (and I swear that's almost not as sleazy as it sounds), and the main reason I didn't invite her over (for "English lessons") was because I didn't want the yoga teachers to think I'm a slut, because their opinion will likely influence Xiao Li and take away whatever slim chance I currently have with her.
I found out Xiao Li's real name today, and I can almost pronounce it.
Sometimes I still miss Zhou Shan. We hung out together today, and now that we're not together we get along better than ever before. Go figure. She's leaving, though; sometime next month she'll head to Shenzhen. She's said such things before, and she's said herself that she changes her mind about whether to stay or go from day to day, but this time she's serious. She's cancelled her yoga classes, and she's given her puppy to someone else to take care of (I don't know who). Sometimes I wish things could have been different, but our views on some of the important things in life are too different to co-exist (marriage, acting like a grown-up, things such as these).
A cookie (not a real one, only an internet one) and a drawing (a real one, sent to a postal address of your choice) to the first person to make the link between the post's title and content.
Friday, June 19, 2009
I'm doing comparative socialogical research! If I tell myself that for long enough, will someone give me a grant?
I was talking (in Chinese, since she speaks less English than Zhou Shan (who speaks none)) with Xiao Li, while looking at photos in a yoga book. One particular photo, of a particularly well-built man, caught her attention - shot from behind, it showed his form wuite well, and she pointed this out to me, telling me it was the ideal shape for a man - the inverted triangle, with broad shoulders and narrow hips. That's interesting in itself, I thought, that the Western and Eastern ideals of masculine beauty (in body, at least) are the same. The surprising part was when she told me the ideal shape for a woman is the S shape - from the side, obviously, not from behind. It makes sense, since it's a rare Chinese woman that can even come close the the hourglass figure popular in the West. I have nothing more to add to that, I just found it interesting.
I went out to dinner with Zhou Shan last night, and among other things, I had tiny wontons! This is exciting because that staple of Chinese takeaways has until now been making itself scarce. That's not the interesting part, though. The interesting part is the old guy who started talking to us. He asked, through Zhou Shan, where I came from and whether I was married, and all the other normal questions you get asked. What I found interesting was that his first assumption (since she obviously wasn't my wife, being that I didn't have one) was that Zhou Shan was my translator. I didn't think I looked important enough to need one! She did have to tell him twice after that, however, that no, she really wasn't my girlfriend. That's when the old guy started telling me that I should find myself a Chinese wife, because, in his words, Chinese women are very "wen rou" - tender.
I've been reading "Lost in Translation", which as far as I can tell has no relation to the movie of the same name, and I think it perfectly likely that I will end up with a Chinese wife. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what I find so attractive about Chinese women, but I certainly do, and I have no plans to leave anytime soon.
It's kind of funny when Zhou Shan is acting as my "translator", since we speak Chinese together. When speaking with the old man, she'd mostly answer the questions herself, since she knows the answers anyway, but when she needed to ask me, she'd ask and I'd reply in Chinese. Once she told the old man I was speaking Chinese, but he didn't believe her and went on speaking through her.
However, she does in fact do translation - since I often mangle my Chinese, she can put it right for whoever is on the other end of the conversation - she knows me well enough that she knows what it is that I want to say, even if I can't say it properly. Going the other way, she knows pretty much every word that I can understand, so she'll translate what someone else said into words that I know.
It's still funny, though, that Chinese gets translated into Chinese and back again.
Bought a bike yesterday, too. Can't really ride it yet, because it's Summer and the air is dry and full of dust and dirt, so I need to get some glasses before I can ride with my eyes open.
In general, I prefer to ride with my eyes open.
When I can ride, though, I can ride faster than the buses. Hah!
I'll move to a new apartment in a couple of months. Basically, my apartmnet is shit (although not entirely uncomfortable) and I'm earning a lot in relative terms, so I should be living like it - which means an apartment big enough to have a party in, with a road outside that is actually clean and a building that doesn't smell like garbage.
I'll be renting it from one of the yoga teachers, who is moving away so her son is closer to a decent primary school, and although it's a bit on the expensive side, the real deciding factor is Xiao Li, who has now offered, on two seperate occassions, to come and clean the place for me (for a fee, of course, but I'm too lazy to mop the floors every week by myself, and people who get paid to do it always do a much better job), and to come and cook for me. That last one was a surprise. Actually, so was the first, come to think of it. Either way, I'm not going to refuse an offer like that! Would you?
Addendum: I was just called to help one of the Chinese teachers find the mistakes in a senior student's exam. Conclusion? The exam is stupid. Which of the following sentences is correct:
a. They take their kites with them.
b. They bring their kites with them.
(There were actually four choices, but I'm not bothering with the other two.)
B is wrong, according to the exam's marking schedule. There was a similar question earlier that had both take and bring as options, and take was marginally better, but bring was perfectly fine to use in a correct English sentence. Now, it is true that take and bring can be used in contexts where they're not interchangeable (bring that thing to me, take out your pens), but for the exam to have them as separate options when a fluent speaker wouldn't make the distinction? Stupid.
An earlier question was even stupider. You're supposed to fill in the blanks:
______ ______ some pictures on the wall.
There are some directions: you are given the verb to use (in Chinese). In this case, the verb is 有, "you", which means "to have". The student in qeustion wrote "I have" in the blanks, forming a perfectly correctly English sentence, which was marked incorrect, since the only possible correct answer according to the marking schedule was "There are". Note that in Chinese, the verb "have" is indeed used for this situation; literally translated it would be something like "the wall has some pictures", and it's probably even ok to say something like "there has some pictures" in Chinese (many students make this mistake when speaking English).
I'm convinced the exam was written by a Chinese person with a very fancy English degree who thinks the finer distinctions between "take" and "bring" are more important than actually knowing how to use the language.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
My computer's gone bung. Sounds like it's the hard drive, which means all my data is toast. What do you mean, backups? I'm an ex-IT professional, backups are for amateurs. So, photos of my pretty pictures, gone. Originals of CG pictures, gone. Tons of photos, gone. Writing, not entirely gone, since a bunch of it is on the internet already anyway, and a bunch more only ever existed on the internet (story a day, I'm looking at you). Reminders of my mum's and dad's birthdays, gone. That last one is going to bite me, because I know dad's is this month, but I forget which day. Arse.
If it's just the hard drive, a new one (Macbooks can take regular hard drives, right?) won't set me back too much, but if any more than that is broken - well, I can't afford to replace it. Macs are great machines, but are getting a little too expensive for me.
Friday, June 5, 2009
I was listening to "Suddenly Strange" today, and it's true. It's time to go. She and I aren't in love anymore. I'll wait about a week, for reasons I won't go into here. Gan Juan, the manager of the yoga place I go to, said (via Ariel, I don't understand that much Chinese yet) she thought we ended up together because we were both lonely, and we're just having fun right now. Well, the fun is over, and I guess Gan Juan was right, because there isn't a lot left.
And yes, all the yoga teachers know the details of my love life, partly because Ariel always tells them!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Don't you hate it when someone doesn't update for ages and then has the nerve to make you click on a cut to get to actual content? ( Yeah, me too. )
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Not dead. Just resting.
Turns out my last saved draft was an evaluation of my lodgings re. the coming zombie apocalypse. The zombie apocalypse didn't come before I moved, so I'll have to do another one sometime, but right now I'm at a net bar, so here's a very quick evaluation:
Weapons: laptop bag. Effectiveness: mostly harmless.
Population density: high. Also, am surrounded by the sort of people who go to net bars. Not only that, am surrounded by the sort of people who go to net bars in China. Not only that, it's so not true that everyone in China knows Kung Fu. I bet not a single person here does. Chance of random stupid person doing a random stupid thing that gets everybody killed: high.
Building security: probably not bad, since it's on the second floor so I don't have to worry about the windows, and these buildings are mostly just concrete slabs thrown together - not pretty, but resistant to fleshy pounding. Er, and zombies attacking.
Conclusion: I'm going to die horribly and painfully, and won't even have a chance to go down in a blaze of glory, unless the laptop turns out to be miraculously useful in a fight. However, I'm here with my girlfriend, so I won't die alone.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Re. The Coming Zombie Apocalypse
Effectiveness of current lodgings in aiding survival
Advantages:
Highly defensible. Single entry, solid door. Suspected to be mostly impervious to zombie attacks. Outside hallway also very defensible for a group. Multiple entry possible by three elevators, but the elevators are very easy to sabotage (they often stop working all by themselves). All walls are solid concrete, and not likely to succumb to blunt force attacks from rotting meat sacks. On the top of a high-rise building, so attacks from above or through the windows do not need to be considered. No flatmates to potentially screw up defences by opening the door at a crucial moment or panicking and attacking friendlies in a fit of paranoia. Rooftop access, provided the whole floor is secure, means hours of fun dropping heavy objects on the zombie horde below.
Disadvantages:
In a highly populated city, so there will be a large number of zombies to contend with. Although apartment is defensible, the outside hallway needs more than one person to defend it, as access is available by two stairwells. Stairwells are impossible to sabotage without explosives, being solid concrete. Single exit, no escape route. No flatmates to aid in smacking zombies upside the head. Most effective anti-zombie weapon available is a mop handle.
Sustainability:
Not suitable in a siege situation. Electricity and gas will not be available after a short time, even if utilities continue to be generally available in a city besieged by zombies. Fridge and freezer not large enough for an extended siege. Stores of non-perishable foods is non-existent. Local water supply is not suitable for drinking without boiling.
Chance of surviving the initial onslaught: HIGH, despite lack of weaponry.
Chance of surviving the zombicular winter: LOW.
Recommendations: get a shotgun, a sword, and a cricket bat. Get an ex-military flatmate. Stock up on canned food. buy a camp stove and stock up on kerosene.
It's true what they say. Dinner with a beautiful women really does make all your problems go away.
If they don't say that, then they should.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The good: I'm going out to dinner tonight with Zhou Shan.
The bad: my school still insists that I pay for the heating bill, despite malfunctional heaters.
The ugly: my school very definitely underpaid me. They had a screwy system of working out how much I and Ivy got paid that completely ignored both public holidays (there were a couple at the start of this month) and paid leave (we get a whole six days a year, so I'm going to damn well make sure I get them).
It gets better: the foreign liaison (who hasn't actually been liaising, but instead prefers to talk indirectly with us through our manager) had apparently passed down the directive that no foreign teachers get paid for the recent holidays. That's ten days of no pay, in case you're wondering. Our manager screwed up and paid us in full for January, and she's opted to not tell her boss about that (I suspect she'd get a bollocking for it), which makes me much less angry at her. However, one of those days landed on February, so it's still in contention, especially since our manager now knows about this directive.
Unfortunately, neither Ivy nor I have a whole lot of contact with the foreign teachers at other branches of the school. It would be real handy right now to be able to threaten a school-wide strike if they don't pay us according to our contracts. I'm considering simply paying personal visits to each Kidcastle branch, and finding the other teachers that way.
Ivy and I almost agreed not to come into work tomorrow. I think that threat threw our manager a bit, because they asked us to please come in tomorrow and they'll talk to the big bosses. Something better happen tomorrow.
It's also a bit rich for them to be trying to find ways to take money away from us - they STILL haven't given either of us the 2000RMB they've owed since the beginning of December.
Screw them, and screw their crappy apartment. I'm going to dinner with an incredibly beautiful yoga teacher.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
This started out as a post making fun of a girl I was talking to online, because it took her 15 minutes to work out I wasn't Chinese (for the curious, I was typing in English, and at one point she asked if I was illiterate). However, after the initial confusion, it turns out the poor girl was in some sort of romantic strife, which I won't go into, but I really hope that whatever I said helped her.
That was all last night. Yesterday I went to look at a place with the two girls I'll be moving in with, and it seemed ok, if a little small - but the price was pretty great. Unfortunately, today it seems the owner is changing his mind about stuff, which bodes ill for future harmonious relationships, so now we're looking at other places.
Also, today I get to bitch at my boss for underpaying me! There's about half as much money in my account as there should be! Yay!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
I may be moving soon after all. I may not get my living allowance, despite what my contract says, but I can afford it, and this time it's too interesting an opportunity to pass up.
Today the yoga teacher I'm keen on, and another new yoga teacher, proposed that I move in together with them. They aren't currently living together; Zhou Shan lives close to the yoga place, but the new teacher doesn't. I said I'd talk to my boss about it, but on later contemplation I decided I'd just go ahead and do it, tell my boss when it's done, and then settle in for the fight to try and get the living allowance. If I don't get it, it won't break me - but the more money I have at the end of the year (when I'll need to buy another return ticket to New Zealand), the better. Besides, my contract says so, and all that.
I may, however, piss my boss off in the process. This is only fair, since they have pissed me off beforehand.
Besides, in what way can moving in with two yoga teachers be a bad thing?
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Tonight I went out with the yoga teacher! As in, just the two of us. It was like an actual date. We ate dinner together, then met up with her friend and went out to karaoke. There isn't anything more exciting than that to report, but things went well. I like her.
My Chinese really needs to improve, though.
As a result of agreeing to go out with her tonight I went to three yoga classes today - she couldn't go to dinner until after she taught her class. I'm really tired right now, because on top of that, it's now 2am, and I only just got home; yet, my mind is currently refusing the somewhat urgent signals from my body that yes, it really is time to sleep now.
Also, I caught a cold today. Great bloody timing on that one. I hope it passes soon.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
I just spent five seconds longer than necessary trying to plug my computer into the wall socket in a dark room.
The room was dark because I had run out of electricity.
This weekend saw three new teachers - one foreign, and two Chinese. The Chinese teachers are here because Apple wants to drop about half her classes (also, she got married yesterday! None of us could go because we had to work, but the photos look great) and Kiko wants to leave since it takes her a couple of hours to get to work each day, and the new foreigner is probably going to replace Jad, because we need a teacher who can work six days a week, not just four. The new Chinese teachers seem ok, and the new foreign teacher, it turns out, is from New Zealand too! The Chinese teachers complain that it makes their heads hurt when we talk, because we can actually talk at full speed to each other. I slow down my speaking when talking to just about everyone else here, since it's hard for them to understand otherwise.
I'm going to yoga tomorrow. I'll see Miss Zhou (the yoga teacher I'm keen on) again. I have butterflies already.
On Thursday and Friday I stayed behind after yoga and played both Chinese checkers and Chinese chess (xiangqi). I mostly lost at Chinese checkers (the manager there is very good at it), and managed to win a game of Chinese chess (against Miss Zhou), despite having only just learning how the pieces move! The pieces in Chinese chess are very difficult to tell apart if you can't read Chinese.
I also have Miss Zhou's phone number. I can't go calling her just yet, since I still can't speak enough Chinese for a conversation sans visual aids, but I have it. Yes, this is my happy face. And my scared face. Tomorrow we're going to organise going to KTV (karaoke) together - all the yoga teachers, Ariel, and me, so it's not a date just yet, but still. I'm going to have to sing.
I'm off now to practice Chinese songs!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Whatever else I might say about life, it's certainly keeping things interesting.
I saw Sophie again last night, to give her a couple of souvenirs from Kiwiland. If they seemed half-hearted to her, that could be because they were - and also because it's really difficult to shop for a girl when you're ruling out anything that might be taken as "I still like you". That ended up being a bad night for all three of us (Sophie's friend was there, too). Sophie learned that I don't love her; her friend was dumped by her boyfriend; and I lost my keys, and couldn't get back into my apartment.
That wasn't as terrible as it could have been, though. I spent the night at Ivy's place, and in the morning I got a new key post-haste from the owner of the apartment. I will, however, note that it royally sucks to be stuck outside with only what you had seen fit to put in your pockets before you left (not much in this case, since I hadn't planned on being out for long).
Today, on the other hand, was most definitely on the good side of interesting. I had lunch with Ariel and her husband, Lily, and Lily's friends. A good time was had by all, and everyone ate so much it hurt. However, before then, I went to yoga.
Next door to the yoga class were a few kids practicing breakdancing, and the yoga teachers, who've seen me practice capoeira after class, encouraged me to show my stuff. The real breakdancers were better, naturally, but it was a whole lot of fun anyway. After class Ariel and I were talking to the yoga teachers (and by that I mean that mostly they talked, while I got the benefit of the occasional translation from Ariel), and the subject of me now being single again came up.
It turns out that the other yoga teacher - not the one who normally take the class I go to - is single. It was proposed that we should get together, and I really wasn't sure what to make of it - I didn't know how serious everyone was being! But you don't know unless you try, right? So I said okay. Ariel told me later that she said okay, too.
This really will be interesting, because she knows absolutely no English. I still know only a very small amount of Chinese. It's not like she's a girl I piked up at a club, either, so I don't think there are any shortcuts around the language barrier via the bed - not that I'd want to jump into bed with someone else so soon again, anyway. That's how I got into trouble last time.
There's common ground, though. We both like yoga, and from the questions the others were asking me, I gather she likes dancing, too. There's still that part in the back of my mind that tells me, no matter the girl: as long as you can dance together, you're okay.
I'm kind of bad at thinking of things to do, though. So, here's my question for all of you: if you were dating a girl (or boy, if that's your preference) and had only a handful of sentences you were able to exchange with each other, what kind of things would you do together? Where would you go, what would you do?
Current music: Smashed Executive - A Throw Away
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
I've been feeling like this for some time now. Maybe months, maybe years, but it was about three days ago that it struck me the most strongly. I have no home. This isn't exactly true, so let me explain.
Three days ago I was sitting at the Botany Downs Shopping Centre, Auckland, New Zealand, within walking distance of the suburb I've lived in more than anywhere else. This is the neighbourhood I grew up in, yet three days ago I was sitting there with my bags and absolutely no place to go.
I had to spend one night in this city - only one night, before my plane left for Australia. It was a struggle finding a place to stay at first, but my sister came through for me, and I was able to stay at my sister's mum's place. This is why I was waiting at the place I was - Cherry's place was not far from the shopping centre. Where, exactly, I didn't know - I was waiting for a call so I could be picked up. This took a long time coming, due to a small mistake that doesn't need to be expanded on, and so I was stuck there for what turned out to be most of the day. I bought and finished Nation, which was quite a good read, although not as funny as I was expected from a Terry Pratchett novel. I like his style when applied to less comedic works.
I also had time to think. Here I was, in the town I grew up in, and I was able to dig up the number of exactly one old friend - who I haven't even talked to, let alone seen, in two or three years. I did wonder if he'd reply, but he stopped by and said hello while I waited.
That day was when I knew that that city would never be my home again. All the people I used to know, except for my sister, have gone. All the places I used to live in are just houses, with different people in them now.
People back in China would often ask when I was going home. They mean New Zealand, of course, since that's where I come from.
The places I've come from aren't home anymore, and the places I've been to can't be called home either, but it wasn't an entirely gloomy thought I had that day. Why was this place no longer my home? Because the people I used to know aren't there anymore. Which place is my home? The place with all my people. My heart is my home.
Monday, February 9, 2009
I'll have to stop thinking of things, so that I stop posting them. Maybe a brainectomy would help.
Anyway, since people usually work during the day (including not always but for the next couple of days the beautiful Jessie), but I'm on holiday, if you find yourself at a loose end and want to hang out (and you're in Brisbane - that part really helps), then give me a call or a text message... ( phone number below the cut )
To celebrate me being, well, me, and here, there is a dinner party on Saturday at Jessie's place. If that didn't make much sense to you, try the facebook event, which actually has an address and stuff like that. I hope to see you there!
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